


Down the rabbit hole...

by Little_Writer_Babe



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Dansen Fic Week (Supergirl TV 2015), Dansen Thirst Squad, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s05e16 Alex in Wonderland, F/F, Gen, Hurt Alex Danvers, Hurt/Comfort, Super!Alex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-25
Updated: 2020-03-25
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:07:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23318848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Little_Writer_Babe/pseuds/Little_Writer_Babe
Summary: Alex stumbles headfirst into Obsidian's world of VR in an attempt to outrun her grief. What she finds inside may be the first step to healing.
Relationships: Alex Danvers & Jeremiah Danvers, Alex Danvers & Kara Danvers, Alex Danvers/Kelly Olsen
Comments: 2
Kudos: 23





	Down the rabbit hole...

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a quick drabble that popped into my head after "Alex in wonderland"! I'm a sucker for Alex-centric episodes and I think it's about time she got to vent some of her frustrations. Also, this is my first time writing Dansen so let me know what you think!

It was a phone call she had been expecting for years.

Ever since she got a sister from the stars and the government became unsettlingly interested in their little family.

Since her father had offered himself up as a consolation prize when they had tried to take her new sister away.

A call that came 12 years too late; while she searched and struggled and yearned to see her father again, to hold him just one more time.

And when he had miraculously returned, Alex had been foolish enough to believe, foolish enough to hope that this was _it_ , Jeremiah had finally come home. He stumbled into the DEO, arms open to welcome his children and Alex had thrown all her training to the side, ignored her gut and willed him to simply _stay_.

The whole moment felt surreal, to be wrapped in her father’s arms, to see the pride in his eyes and feel the acceptance as she later introduced him to the current love of her life.

And in the span of less than a few days, he was gone once more leaving the sting of betrayal in his wake, a wedge of mistrust driven between his children.

So, yes, she had braced for this call, told herself it was only a matter of time and willed herself not to mourn.

“I don’t feel the need to bury a man who has been dead to me for years.” Kara had behaved as if she’d been slapped when Alex uttered those words; words that had been on the tip of her tongue since she’d answered her mother’s call the night before.

It was the truth, as awful and painful as it may be.

The moment Kara entered their lives Alex became an afterthought to her father, consumed as he was with his newest project.

Jeremiah had poured _everything_ into the pursuit of keeping Kara safe, dragging Alex along with him in the wake, dropping the burden of protection on her when she was but a child herself.

A burden that Alex carried into adulthood at the expense of her own happiness, burying herself in alcohol and regret, struggling to be good enough to protect a literal goddess on earth.

The whole conversation was currently too much to bear but her sister refused to take the hint, pushing when it was clear all Alex wanted is to be left alone, to grieve on her own terms.

“So, what do you want me to tell Eliza?” Kara pleads, attempting to play on her sentimentality. Alex scoffs at the comment, her sister always the peacemaker even when there is no peace to be had.

“I don’t care.”

“You don't care? You don't care what I tell our _grieving mother_?” Kara shoots back, as righteous and indignant as ever, all attempts at civility abandoned.

“Tell her whatever you want. I’ve spent my entire life protecting this family and I will not do it again!” Picture frames shake on the wall as Alex slams the bathroom door for emphasis.

The rest of the morning had been an alcohol-fueled blur, her rage spilling out to strike anyone who dared get too close, punctuated by a callous dismissal of the new love of her life, a woman who understood loss better than anyone...

Alex knew she would have to make up for that when she got back, if Kelly would even have her. But there was too much to currently atone for and she was _so tired_.

A break, that was all she needed.

Just a bit of distance from the emotional hellscape her life had become. With that in mind, she slid the lenses into her eyes and let herself fade away...

* * *

“Hello, Alex.”

There’s no denying the face that stares back at her.

She can barely remember being that young, that carefree. But it’s her voice that tells her what she already knows, what she had suspected from the beginning.

None of this is real.

Not the exhilaration she feels racing through the clouds or the warmth that fills her chest as the citizens thank her for saving them once again from some otherworldly menace.

No matter how good it had felt to be back in the DEO, back in uniform even if it wasn’t technically hers, the signs were all there that things were far too perfect, the saccharine smiles worn almost deviously on the faces of her “friends”.

Kelly had tried to pull her back, with beseeching words and love for her brightly shone in those beautiful, brown eyes. But the memory of their recent fight still left a sour taste in Alex’s mouth, an unwillingness to listen pushing her further down the rabbit hole.

She follows her younger self deeper into the dream, convinced she will find something to prove the girl wrong, that _this life, this world_ , is where she truly belongs.

And then he’s there, standing before her, before _them,_ with that same warm smile that he reserved only for his eldest child.

“ _Alex_.” He draws her in and she’s helpless to resist, once more feeling like a little girl safe in the protection of her father’s arms. More than anything else she has experienced in this virtual reality, she desperately wishes this part were real.

“Dad...this isn’t...you’re _gone_.” She manages to choke out when he pulls back to lovingly frame her face with his hands.

“I know, kiddo, and I’m so sorry...for all of it.” He tells her sincerely, tears in those eyes that are so much like her own.

“But, I failed you...”

_“Failed me_? You’re not to blame for my choices, Alex and I’m sorry if I ever made you feel that way. You don’t need superpowers and you don’t need to save me. As much as I would like for us to stay here together, forever, there are people out in the real world who love you too.”

“I don’t want to go.” She whispers as she clings to him once more, face buried against his strong chest, desperately trying to memorize his smell, the security that will be gone forever once she leaves this place. “Don’t leave me again.”

“Hey, none of that.” He chastises with a gentle smile. “I love you and I’m _always_ with you.”

Jeremiah pulls back, still smiling, tears in his eyes as he regards his eldest before fading away.

Alex watches him go, a weight steadily lifting from her chest. She spares one last glance at her younger self before coming to a decision.

“End simulation.”

* * *

The words are spoken so quietly that Kelly would have missed them had she not been so attuned to her love in that moment.

“Thank you for not giving up on me.”

Kelly smiles at the statement with gentle exasperation, having heard the same words from Alex several times that day: when she’d first awoken from VR, throughout the drive to Midvale, and now sitting on the porch swing of the Danvers family home.

The pair had made it to Midvale just in time for the wake, Alex unable to say more than a few words about the man who had been her entire world. Kelly understood better than most, having lost her own father in an equally terrible manner. She had been more than happy to support her girlfriend, especially once Alex had let down her guard.

So often the former agent was stoic and inexpressive, yet Kelly knew it was all an act. She had only met a few people in her life that cared as deeply as Alex, that _loved_ as deeply. But that same depth of commitment left Alex open for the worst emotional pains, left her devastated, tumbling headfirst into old habits.

And, yes, Kelly was going to address the vodka-soaked elephant in the room when it came to her lover’s coping mechanisms. But today was not the day.

Instead she wrapped her arms tighter around Alex, hands rubbing soothing circles down the others forearms, gentle kisses in her hair. “I would _never_ give up on you.” She asserts, surprised by the ferocity of her own words.

“I know that now.” Alex responds quietly, eyes affixed to the beach where she’d shared so many memories with Jeremiah: flying kites on a windy day, her first surfing lesson giggling with her father in the cold surf, quiet nights laid out on the sand marveling at the stars. “He would have loved you.” She whispers, turning with teary eyes to her girlfriend.

“Yeah?”

“Definitely.” Alex leans in for a gentle kiss before rising to her feet.

She stares into the large bay windows, watching friends and neighbors offer their condolences, sharing sorrow tinged memories of the man she loved so dearly. With a sigh she reaches a hand down to Kelly, silently asking for support. The smaller woman takes it with a smile; happy to follow wherever Alex may lead, ready to see her through every trial.

No matter how realistic Obsidian made it’s simulations, it could never be _this_ : the cool, salty breeze on her skin, the warmth of Kelly by her side, the loving support from every person that had come to offer their memories of Jeremiah, who took the time to honor his life and mourn his death.

Though it may not be perfect and there will always be some measure of pain, Alex knows that no simulation could ever compare to the life she’d built, the life she wants to build with Kelly. Giving the other woman’s hand a gentle squeeze, she opens the sliding glass door and steps toward her future.


End file.
